1. Having worth, merit, or value; useful or valuable.
2. Honorable; admirable: a worthy fellow.
3. Having sufficient worth; deserving:
Having worth or worthiness or being worthy must be a hard thing to define because even the dictionary references I looked at use the word worth to define the word worth. Isn’t this funny? And isn’t this the way it is for us? I know I have a problem feeling worth much, feeling worthy of good. Do you have the same problem as me? It seems to be as hard for us to define our own worthiness as it is for the dictionaries to explain to us what it is.
For me, part of realizing I have worthiness is learning that I deserve to receive good in all ways. God wants to bless me, but I feel like I don’t deserve it. I haven’t been good enough, or done enough, or worked hard enough…..does any of that sound familiar?
I was taught a lot of this, that everything had to be proven to God. My merit had to be based on how well I performed. I’m coming to realize that this is really how I feel, but it isn’t the way God wants me to be. His love for me, for us, is not based on my performance or behavior or really anything I do or don’t do. Because my brain was trained this way, I am the one who makes my worth and value about my performance.
People also work on this part of me too. Use to be that I had friends that only liked me when I behaved the way they thought I was suppose to. I had to live up to their expectation of who I was, be the person they thought and wanted me to be, for them to be friends with me. I guess I outgrew most of that foolishness. I am becoming my own version of who I am. And I’m not apologizing for it anymore either. I’ve done some of that in the past too, lol.
In struggling to accept my own worthiness, I am seeing where I block some of the good things in life from happening to me. When my belief is I’m not good enough for good things to happen, then how can I accept the good things that life does bring to me? Good things aren’t rewards for my good behavior, they’re things that I can believe for and accept when they come my way. I think it’s part of God’s plan to demonstrate His love to me, and in turn for me to demonstrate love everywhere I am too.
This thought trail is making me wonder how many blessings, how much good in my life, have I cut off because I couldn’t see it? I can change my perception of life, I can stop being uber suspicious and paranoid. If I am looking for good and not for evil, looking for good and not for bad things, won’t I notice more of the beauty in life and more of the loveliness all around me?
Then again too, learning to accept Heaven’s help isn’t just about me personally; it’s about allowing myself to be helped so that I can help others. Accept good graciously, and affirm: “Thank you for gifts that have come to me now. I gratefully accept them for the good of all.” If I am blessed and worthy and receive good things, won’t I have good things to share with others?
Instead of fearing lack, I can look forward to the good things that are coming to me and be grateful for the good I have already received.
You may be wondering what brought this thought trail to life for me today. We just got back from a fun vacation. Life was good, and I was feeling relaxed. Upon arriving home however, we discovered some new damage to our roof with lots of little brown spots showing up everywhere. Hail damage. Water spots. Great. Time to call the insurance company and make a claim. Fun stuff, right?
So I make the call. And immediately start worrying. A roof is not cheap. It costs a lot to replace them, I worry that it’s not going to be covered, that there’s going to be some problem, some loophole that is going to leave me hanging. I managed to sleep that night, but had to do a good bit of distracting myself to accomplish it.
The next day the adjuster came by and took a look at our damage. After he had assessed everything, he came back with this news. My roof did have damage, but I didn’t have full replacement value with my policy. He could help me out some, but it would be a depreciated amount of what my roof was worth.
Yikes! My fears were coming true. There was a loophole in the policy, and now I really start worrying about where the extra money will come from for the repairs. I also called my agent because I did buy a specific policy from them that was suppose to be replacement value. Unfortunately, the loophole did exist that hail damage had a special exclusion so I would only get the depreciated amount. Le sigh. Now what?
I didn’t get any sleep that night, sleep evaded me no matter how hard I tried to find it. The adjuster called the next day and said what the amount was I would receive. My heart sank, but at this point I was thankful for any help I was getting. I didn’t have any estimates yet, so I got some recommendations and made appointments for appraisals. I was still anxious to hear back on the figures.
Now let’s pop back to my deal with worthiness. I was expecting bad news and I got it. I also realized this and started trying to work on the way I was thinking. I also said a few prayers and asked a couple of my praying friends to join me. At this point I’m not quite as anxious as I was, more concerned at this point. I needed to get some numbers to work so I knew what I was facing.
A friend sent one gentleman over to appraise things for me. Very nice gentleman, husband of my friend’s friend. He does this work all the time. He climbs and measures and thanks me and says he’ll call me with an estimate in a little bit. I actually felt pretty good about his attitude, so I waited to hear from him.
I didn’t have to wait long, he did what he said. He called me very shortly to go over figures for everything with me. Then the next thing that happened blew my mind, it really did. Turns out the estimate is almost to the dollar of what the insurance company told me they were going to pay me. Almost to the dollar! And no, I had not told him what the figures we were working with.
Lol!!! I lost sleep over absolutely nothing. I just knew I was going to be a several thousand dollars short on what I needed, but I was so, so wrong! Goodness does come to me, and I am blessed. Now I am happy to be a blessing to this company and hire them too. Win win for both of us. They need business and I need a roof. We are going to be able to work with each other and accomplish both things. If you need the name of a great roofing company, just let me know.
Now I just hope I can remember how all this worked out the next time my reactions want me to worry and be afraid and lose sleep. If any of you want to remind me of all this the next time I fall down a worry hole, please feel free to do so! Hope you find goodness running after you this week! Angela