How do you value yourself? Where does your sense of worth come from? Is it from the validation of others? This is something we want, whether we will admit it or not. We seek it through others agreeing with us on a matter, or acknowledging us in something we have done. There! A stamp of approval! It’s done! I’m validated, real, have value and worth….because someone or something tells me I do.
But what about the days when none of those things come? The lonely empty days when we feel lost, or alone, and wonder if all of life is just a pointless practice of lying down and getting up and starting all over again?
Then there are other days when the winds of adversity blow, the rain falls down….sometimes as quiet tears rolling down our face, into our hearts. Someone doesn’t like us, they didn’t approve of what we did or what we said. We were too harsh, or too quick, or maybe just too different from the other and a clash ensues, an argument begins, or we get rejected in one way or another.
“See?”, a little voice inside whispers. “See? They know the truth now – you’re wrong. You’re worthless. You have little or no value. So there!” We catch ourselves listening to that little voice that lies to us, that lives inside of us: the voice of insecurity.
I struggle with these types of things from time to time. Failures and losses in my life have led me to these feelings. I sometimes will go for several days, not even knowing I’ve wandered back into this little lonely hole where I feel lost and all alone. Then one day it will begin to dawn on me, and I will slowly start climbing my way out again. I’ve suffered several losses in my life. Had more than a few failures. Watched a grandparent get eaten by cancer when I was around 12. She was 74. I loved all my grandparents dearly; none of them lived past my 13th year. Lost my mom when I was 25, she was only 54. I had 3 beautiful children that missed their Nana as much as I missed my mom. Broke my back, literally, around 34. Lost a home around 35. Lost a marriage of 28 years around 46. Had to start over in every area of my life. New home, new job, new church, new state. Lots of rebuilding, and I’m still working on that. Last year had the unexpected loss of a very dear friend who was only 53. She was my oldest friend. We talked every day, now I just think about her often and miss her greatly. I wish the losses and failures had helped me be less like Schleprock and Eeyore, and be more optimistic and strong. But I don’t bounce back as well as I want to. Okay, that’s enough. I’m sure you understand and have suffered the same or similar things, and our worth is not determined by these losses or how we deal with them. What things do you allow to validate you? Where does your sense of worth come from? Please share your stories with me, share your testimonies of love and life and how you climb out of your hole as well about the losses you are also overcoming.
I am going to start something new for myself. I think it will help stop this eternal wheel of blah I seem to get trapped on. I am going to start a gratitude list. A friend of mine does this. She has a little notebook she uses to record large and small things she is grateful for, or happy about, or just blessings she has received. When she fills one book up, she finds another to start all over again. She reads her blessings on bad days, and when she has one or two filled up, she mails them to her daughters or friends so they can share the gratitude too.
Ann Voskamp has a community that does this as well. Would you like to start your own list? I’ll start mine with this:
Things I Am Grateful For:
1.Grandkids that run at me every day when I get home that act like it’s been weeks since they have seen me.
2. A Boyfriend who’s sweet and thinks I’m great.
3. Hugs and kisses from Boyfriend and Grandkids.
4. A daughter who keeps things clean and a son-in-law that mows grass. That means I don’t have to. 
5. Friends who cook and play board games and card games and video games and drinking games.
6. Laughter with said friends that actually makes my face hurt and tummy sore from the sheer quantity of it.
7. My Daddy. He is the best man I know.
8. My job, when so many don’t have one right now.
9. The ability to pay my bills due to the job.
10. God, who I think gave me all these wonderful things.
Now, where’s yours? Let me know. Let’s encourage each other today.
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