Category Archives: memories

Take The Job

leonard smaller versionWilliam Shatner wrote a book about one of my favorite people on the planet. It’s called Leonard: My Fifty-Year Friendship With A Remarkable Man. Leonard Nimoy of course is the man.

I started reading the book last night.  Just into the second chapter Shatner shares a story about Leonard and Leonard’s son Adam. Adam got an offer to do an independent production, pretty soon after leaving his legal practice to become a director. He really questioned doing it, said it felt like a step back for him. He was going to let the offer pass he decided. When his father heard about it he had some advice for his son.

(This is taken from pages 19 & 20 in the book) ‘Do you have another offer to do something else?’ [Adam] didn’t. ‘Well then, take the job. You take the job because you need the job. You don’t want any down time. And number 2, I guarantee you, you will either learn something from that job or you’ll meet somebody on that job who’s going to help you. You take the job. Don’t turn down work if you don’t have work to replace it.’

[Shatner adds] ‘If there’s an actor’s mantra that is it: take the job. We all live by that, although for a long time most of us didn’t live very well by it.’

It’s funny how God talks to me. I don’t get the big biblical types of things like burning bushes or fingers writing on walls. So far angels haven’t shown up at any event in my life and sung about it to the bystanders. I get something simple, something some of you may get as well. I get a small, quiet voice whispering in my heart. It talks to me when I’m out walking near water or sometimes when I’m watching movies. I can hear it when I’m listening to music or  someone sharing an inspirational speech. Last night I heard the voice when I was reading this book.

The thing that actors do, “Take the job,” it is a thing that I have been doing for most of my life. When I was a kid I cleaned houses for $3 a day. I raked up pine needles and sold them for mulch. I hand sewed doll clothes and sold them for a SASE and a one dollar bill. Extra points if you remember what an SASE is. In other words, whatever it was I could find or create to do….I took the job. I might not have had the most money in my pocket, but I worked hard to put some money in it.

As an adult I have often called myself the queen of part time jobs. I have worked a lot during my life. I just don’t seem to keep the same job for very long. The average is about 5 years. Sometimes it’s been a little more, sometimes a little less. But it never failed that transition would hit me, and I would start looking for the next thing to do. Sometimes I worked myself out of jobs, some times I was moved out of promised positions and pushed out of jobs. Whatever the cause, I picked up and moved on, finding the next career to throw myself into.

Very recently I have decided that I want to do more sewing. I really seem to enjoy it the most of the many branches I have in my business. I’m not selling much yet, but I am beginning to make things. A while back I made a promise that I have never gotten around to fulfilling. This particular promise was to God. I wanted to make a bunch of dolls, 50 to be exact. I would then give the dolls to a charity that would share them with children. It’s not a promise I have completely forgotten about, it pops up in my memory every so often. Apparently I am being reminded so that I can say I am a person that keeps her word. I had a personal lesson in that recently and I know it matters, not just to me but to God too. I’m glad I don’t know the God that gets angry over forgotten promises. He’s not lashing out at me and making me prove anything. He is just patiently reminding me of that promise because He has a purpose for it. The reminder last night was, “Will you take the job? Will you make these dolls for children to love? Will you give them something to hold when maybe everything they’ve held onto has been taken away from them? Will you put some love and peace and tender hugs and gentle kisses in with every stitch? Will you take the job?”

“Someone” has offered me a job, and honestly it might feel like a step back for me, making baby dolls for a charity. But at the moment I actually have some extra time in my schedule, I don’t have work to replace it. So yes. Yes. I will take this job. I will either learn something from the doing of it, or I will meet someone that is going to help me with something else. I have often felt like Leonard Nimoy was a sage advisor for me throughout much of my life. I like that my understanding of this came through him.

So yes God, I’ll take the job. Show me where the cloth is that I have to make them, and I will do it. It’s been in my heart for a while. Yes, I’ll take the job.

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“That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.”

46 years ago, Apollo 11 landed on the moon! Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin spent less than 24 hours exploring the moon before heading back to earth.

It was a significant day for me as well. I stood in awe in front of our black and white tv listening to those now infamous words: “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.”

Enjoy this clip of the day! If private moon shots ever become available, I’ll see you there!

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Where In The World Was….

paris street market 2

Carmen Sandiego? Waldo? No silly. Me. 😉

Right after I posted my Creative Exploration for 2015, my dad had a serious accident. He fell at home, ruptured internally and then had a 2-3 month recovery period. During that time I lived with him at his home. It was a lot of hard work, but I am happy to say I am mostly back to being at my home and just stopping by to check on him and help him once or twice a week. He’s 78, so the type of injury he had could have killed him or been a lot worse than what it was, so I am very thankful to still have my Dad with me.

I put a GoFundMe together for him to help with some needed repairs to his home, and so many of you reached out with help to him. He was and is so grateful, and was very touched that so many people would help him. It was great to be able to get the repairs done. I’m really glad he has recovered so well.

Needless to say, I have not gotten anywhere on my creative hopes and plans for this year. Not yet anyway lol. I do hope to start some of them later, but for now I am still creating my own business and working as much as I can to make ends meet. Just like you and your family do too I’m sure, whether you are gainfully employed or business owners yourself.

I hope this finds you all happy and well. I am thinking about my trip to Paris as it was 2 years ago this week that we went. The picture above is from an open air street market. I have a few others I can share too.

A fish market that was creative with their display
Random beautiful street art
This one makes me think of Narnia
A quiet corner…
An endless path…I hope it leads me back to Paris one day

Le sigh. Yep. I’ve got Paris on my mind. Talk to you later, Angela

 

 

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Robin Williams Shocked Us All

This is a wonderful short video tribute shared by moderngreen on YouTube

 

I will also add a small warning hear. This is not a happy post. This is, to me at least, a very serious post. So be prepared for that if you decide to keep reading.

It has been quite a few days since the world and I were shocked to hear of the death of Robin Williams. I haven’t known how to say how it affected me. I’m still struggling to do so. I do know it has made me incredibly sad.

I have loved him from the moment I saw him being the weird and wonderful Mork from Ork on Happy Days. I was fascinated by the character, and the man who was playing him. So began my journey with Mr. Williams. Unlike him, I have never had a drug or addiction problem. But. . . like him I have had a problem with depression.

I’ve struggled with depression off and on for many of my 50+ years. Unfortunately it has been a constant thing most of the last 2 years. Even people close to me don’t always know what to do around me. If someone as successful and loved as Robin Williams can’t beat depression, how does someone like me do it? This has been the question I have pondered since he died. In his suicide, he brought me face to face with the reality of my thoughts, and how they must not be true. You see I have mostly tried to work through my depression by telling myself it would be better when I was successful in my financial endeavors. It would be better when I didn’t have to fight so hard to get by on a day to day level. It would be better when I had enough money to cover my bills and have a little left over for other things. Then, then. . . it would be better

If it’s wasn’t better for him, how will it ever be better for me? I’m sure I’m not the only person thinking along these lines, and I have been glad some people have included suicide hotline numbers in their comments about Robin. I haven’t been suicidal at this point. I did have an episode with suicide several years ago when going through a brutal separation and divorce. But I haven’t had a second round with it, just a battle with depression itself and having a hard time going on day after day with every day life. I’m trudging through at best it seems. But I am trudging through.

And it’s not that good things do not and have not happened for me and in my life. That’s not what depression is, a lack of good things around us. It has been explained many times in many ways, Google it if you need a description. Just don’t waste my time or yours by telling me or anybody else to just ‘get over it!’ That’s a bullshit comment from someone who doesn’t want to take the time to figure out something that might be helpful. So just don’t.

Depression for me has been recognizing that I don’t have the life I worked so hard for and dreamed of. I don’t have the relationships with some of my family that I should have, because they want to lie and steal and be drug addicts and say way to much lying crap about me for me to be a part of their lives. I have also been constantly attacked by these same family members, and have not been able to get resolution inside of myself for all the crap they have put me through. Add with that a business set up that I got completely hood winked in, and wasted several years of my life working towards to have it stolen from me too. There are other things I could add here, but I’m not gonna. It’s been hard, life is not easy and that’s pretty much a total of the sum of it for me.

So, I am not a financial success. The efforts I have been making are not giving me the results I need and want. I’m tired of being told how much better our economy is. If that is true, why are so many people still out of work, or if working, still not getting raises and still seeing their benefits cut? That’s not better folks. Just be logical about it. I am glad for the people who are doing better for themselves over the last few years, but it has been more the other way that I have witnessed.

Robin has died. His shining life has been silenced. His success didn’t save him, our love for him couldn’t sustain him and the reality of depression finally won in his life. I miss him, I am sad he is not on this planet anymore and I pray that he has found peace now. I do understand not having internal peace. Thankfully I have had enough periods of that during my current personal struggle to keep me going. I pray for his family and friends and all of us that miss him and hate that this has happened. I think it scares everyone too, to think if he could kill himself maybe one day they could too. Maybe not, but it shook me up. I bet I’m not the only one.

On a better day I will share my memories of him and some of the laughs he gave me. I do love that he started making things like Aladdin so his daughter could watch his movies with him. There are other things about him like that, and I’ll share those another day.

In the mean time, I’ll keep working out my life one day at a time with God’s help and love from friends and family. I just felt like I needed to share this as it is, and see who else out there might understand or feel this way too. You are not alone.

Until another day then, this is all. Angela

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