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Absent Again :)

31 May

Well, I didn’t mean to be away for quite so long. Hope all is well with you and yours. We had a nice vacation at Folly Beach, so yes, dreams do come true. We also had several things we needed to get done, Boyfriend and I. We did accomplish part of our list. Why is it we always have more on those lists than we can get done it seems? Oh well. We will keep working on it.

I will have a nice new sewing area to share with you sometime over the next few weeks. One of the things on the list was a trip to Ikea to purchase shelves for Boyfriend’s home. He has been pondering them for 9 months or so. . . yes, I am dating a procrastinator. Because I despise to shop he paid a shopping tax for me joining him on the trip. The tax was some shelving for my sewing area. I got a great bargain out of the whole thing because as it turned out shopping at Ikea was fun to me. Go figure. Either way we will both have some wonderful and handy new shelves to use soon. Yay!

I also have several other things I have not posted on, Artisphere being one of those things. I have so many cool things to share about it with you. I will definitely try to get that post finished. I will also be sharing some of the cute pics from our vacation as soon as I get those downloaded to my computer too. Hopefully this weekend.

In the meantime, I have been working on a list of 60 questions to submit to a business coach I have just started working with. Going through some of the questions has caused me to pull out some old favorites of encouragement and inspiration. I wanted to share some wonderful quotes I am using from Og Mandino. Hope you find some nugget to enjoy as well! See you in June! Angela

Always render more and better service than is expected of you, no matter what your task may be.

Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward the life that God intended for you with grace, strength, courage, and confidence.

Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious.

I am here for a purpose and that purpose is to grow into a mountain, not to shrink to a grain of sand. Henceforth will I apply ALL my efforts to become the highest mountain of all and I will strain my potential until it cries for mercy.

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars.

Love doesn’t sit there like a stone, it has to be made, like bread: remade all the time, made new.

Never again clutter your days or nights with so many menial and unimportant things that you have no time to accept a real challenge when it comes along. This applies to play as well as work. A day merely survived is no cause for celebration. You are not here to fritter away your precious hours when you have the ability to accomplish so much by making a slight change in your routine. No more busy work. No more hiding from success. Leave time, leave space, to grow. Now. Now! Not tomorrow!

Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself.

Sound character provides the power with which a person may ride the emergencies of life instead of being overwhelmed by them. Failure is… the highway to success.

The victory of success is half won when one gains the habit of setting goals and achieving them. Even the most tedious chore will become endurable as you parade through each day convinced that every task, no matter how menial or boring, brings you closer to fulfilling your dreams.

To be always intending to make a new and better life but never to find time to set about it is as to put off eating and drinking and sleeping from one day to the next until you’re dead.

To do anything truly worth doing, I must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in with gusto and scramble through as well as I can.

Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster. Your life will never be the same again.

Og Mandino, author of The Greatest Miracle in the World and The Greatest Salesman In The World

Always render more and better service than is expected of you, no matter what your task may be.: Og Mandino
Always seek out the seed of triumph in every adversity.: Og Mandino
Cherish each hour of this day for it can never return.: Og Mandino
Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward the life that God intended for you with grace, strength, courage, and confidence.: Og Mandino
Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious.: Og Mandino
Each failure to sell will increase your chances for success at your next attempt.: Og Mandino
Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough.: Og Mandino
I am here for a purpose and that purpose is to grow into a mountain, not to shrink to a grain of sand. Henceforth will I apply ALL my efforts to become the highest mountain of all and I will strain my potential until it cries for mercy.: Og Mandino
I seek constantly to improve my manners and graces, for they are the sugar to which all are attracted.: Og Mandino
I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars.: Og Mandino
I will not allow yesterday’s success to lull me into today’s complacency, for this is the great foundation of failure.: Og Mandino
It is those who concentrate on but one thing at a time who advance in this world. The great man or woman is the one who never steps outside his or her specialty or foolishly dissipates his or her individuality.: Og Mandino
Love doesn’t sit there like a stone, it has to be made, like bread: remade all the time, made new.: Og Mandino
Never again clutter your days or nights with so many menial and unimportant things that you have no time to accept a real challenge when it comes along. This applies to play as well as work. A day merely survived is no cause for celebration. You are not here to fritter away your precious hours when you have the ability to accomplish so much by making a slight change in your routine. No more busy work. No more hiding from success. Leave time, leave space, to grow. Now. Now! Not tomorrow!: Og Mandino
Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself.: Og Mandino
Sound character provides the power with which a person may ride the emergencies of life instead of being overwhelmed by them. Failure is… the highway to success.: Og Mandino
Take the attitude of a student, never be too big to ask questions, never know too much to learn something new.: Og Mandino
The person who knows one thing and does it better than anyone else, even if it only be the art of raising lentils, receives the crown he merits. If he raises all his energy to that end, he is a benefactor of mankind and its rewarded as such.: Og Mandino
The victory of success is half won when one gains the habit of setting goals and achieving them. Even the most tedious chore will become endurable as you parade through each day convinced that every task, no matter how menial or boring, brings you closer to fulfilling your dreams.: Og Mandino
To be always intending to make a new and better life but never to find time to set about it is as to put off eating and drinking and sleeping from one day to the next until you’re dead.: Og Mandino
To do anything truly worth doing, I must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in with gusto and scramble through as well as I can.: Og Mandino
Treasure the love you have received above all. It will survive long after your gold and good health have vanished.: Og Mandino
Treasure the love you receive above all. It will survive long after your good health has vanished.: Og Mandino
Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster. Your life will never be the same again.: Og Mandino, The Greatest Miracle in the World

4 Comments

Posted in lists, Ponderings

What Have I Been Up Too Lately?

19 May

Funny how I want to write, but don’t seem to have enough juice to do it. So, I have been reading other people’s blogs, people like Helen Clyde. This is a very interesting lady who I luckily tripped on to one day a couple of weeks ago. She is very creative, I have been enjoying reading about her multiple craft ideas and checking out things she has made. She adds a music video she likes to her blogs each day too, and that has been a lot of fun for me to listen to new music and see some familiar names too. I really like her blog. It is very encouraging to me to read whatever she shares. You need to check her out too.

Another blog I like to visit is Blogging About AF life. I believe I found this one through The BlogFrog, but I’m not 100% sure. This is a blog about real life, and she is also a crafty kind as well. I feel like I know her when I read what she shares, and again I just really like her blog and her posts. A very interesting lady.

I am also reading Princess Warrior Lessons. She battles a disease that causes her great fatigue. I don’t have any known cause for this myself, but I do have problems with my energy a lot, and understand fatigue more than I want to. She is a busy mom, wife and woman and her struggles sometimes run similar to mine for different reasons. I really got a lot out of her recent post named ‘Unplug.’ I have been wondering if Facebook and some other things are eating too much of my time. She is looking at similar issues and has decided to unplug from it for the month of May. It is an intriguing thought to me. I am pondering something similar myself.

As I was reading Princess Warrior, I found a link to The Gypsy Mama and found an older post of hers that really spoke to me, For The Sundays When You Wonder If You Matter At All. I use to really enjoy going to church and being part of a community there. But the last few years have not been geared that way. At times I really do miss it too, but when I do go it just doesn’t seem to be right. My belief system is similar to a lot of churches in some ways, and very different in others. This post gave me a different perspective about going to church. I really love to have people come to things I am involved in, to participate, to be involved or just to be there to support me. This post made me realize that sometimes Jesus just gets happy because I came to be with Him in His Father’s house. It’s nice to feel wanted. I am wanted by Him because He loves me. The post talks about Jesus celebrating our being there with Him. We can get a lot of ‘go to church’ because you’re suppose to, or because you should. But obligation is not getting me there anymore at all. But hanging out with Jesus like this post talks about, yeah. I would really love that. For me it was a very touching post. Thank you Gypsy Mama.

I guess I’ve needed to soak up some of these things. I am drawn to real life blogs right now, people sharing their lives and their hearts and the honesty of that is very appealing to me. There are other blogs I visit and follow, but these are the ones speaking the loudest to me. We all have extremely busy lives now, and that’s not always a good thing. I want to remember to enjoy my life, to embrace the wonderful moments and savor them to help give me strength to get through the harder times. We have both good and hard in our lives. I don’t want the hard to drown out the good for me. And I’m willing to do something to keep that from happening, even if it is only finding blogs that encourage me to keep on keeping on. Hope you are finding the best way to do that for yourself too. Let me know how you are. Hopefully over the weekend I can share about the fun we had at Artisphere last week. Have a great Friday! Angela

8 Comments

Posted in Ponderings

You Know Google….

04 May

Does Google know you? Just for grins and giggles last night I decided to Google myself and see if the search engine knew anything about me. As it turns out the answer to that is: Yes! There is a lot of info about me, some of which really surprised me. I will kinda walk through my Google results and we’ll talk about my reaction to them.

The first thing listed is a networking site I am a part of, Linked In. Actually there were 4 Linked In results, only 2 of them were partly accurate. My job is listed correctly. Nothing strange there.

The next result after these was business related also. I was listed with a networking group I am associated with. Enough info for someone to contact me about the group, no problems there.

The next one was a website you could pay a fee to supposedly get all of my contact information: email, home address, business and phone numbers. The site promises “Everything!” for a fee of $2.95 a month or $39.95 for even more information, this would include my criminal background check. I knew these kind of sites were out there, just never though about my information being on them. This one was a little unsettling. I’m not paying the fee, but doubt they have all of it figured out. They might though. Hmmmmm…..

I really feel weird about the next one. I am just like everybody, occasionally I will give to a good cause. That happened at an event one December and I shared a small monetary gift with a group. Guess what? That’s in Google too. The group listed all their donors on a website page. If they had asked I would have said to list me anonymously. They didn’t ask. I will be contacting them to remove me from this very public list. I am not comfortable with this particular entry.

One of my blog entries is next on the list, the recent one I did with pictures I entitled “Azaleas in Wonderland” found by the category it is in, Spring. I like that this is on the list. I want people to read my blog. You know….people like you . I’m A-ok with this one.

The next result was a dud, but the one after that was again a little unsettling. I had a friend to pass away who was very young. He was in his early 30′s. I had not seen him for a few years, he and my kids were friends when they were teenagers. I knew he had moved away in the last few years and they only heard from him 2 or 3 times. When we found out he had passed away, I went online and wrote a note to his family as we all use to be pretty close but I didn’t have any current contact information for them. Yep, you guessed it. My note to the family is stored on the funeral home website and came up in my search of me. It even said what number my comment was out of all the comments. Like 15/55 kind of description. This was weird to me. Just not right.

Next, another strange one. I knew when I signed into some websites with my Facebook info that my information could be pulled. What I didn’t know was that at least one of these kind of websites makes a member page and puts our info in a descriptive form and it can be harvested off of it. Thankfully I don’t have my contact information listed on Facebook or it would be in this site. The most they got was my description of myself, a few books and movies I like and that I am an Agent/Office Manager. It could have been worse. Mostly just bothered me because there has not been anything on this website that told me they had made this page about me. That part I don’t like at all.

The next couple weren’t me, then there was one that states I am a donor, again, for something different. It is for a historical landmark and I knew I was listed on their website as a donor. This one I don’t mind. It is a very different thing from the first donation listed. Then there were several other wrong ones, then one more for this blog which turns out to just bring someone to this site and shows whatever the current post is. Another one I liked.

The third page had one blog link and another that did end up being me. I made a comment 2 years ago about my local farmer’s market. I had forgotten all about it, but Google hasn’t. It’s still out there to be seen and read.

Over all it was interesting to Google myself. I am definitely surprised by what information is out there, but that is because I am an active participant of the Internet. I’m sure it wasn’t very much info compared to others, it was mostly odd that it seemed so random. I do admit that I Googled Boyfriend in the early weeks of our relationship. I had known him for a few years, but his history still had a lot of holes in it. Mostly his information was about a recent home purchase he had made before we started dating, and a couple of other little things but nothing much. He doesn’t have much of an Internet presence, and he likes it that way.

What about you? Have you ever done this? Googled yourself or searched for your Internet information? Did some of it seem strange to you too? Let me know, we can share tidbits later! I would be quite fascinated to know what you find out. Have a great week folks, Angela

5 Comments

Posted in lists, Ponderings

Soul Changes, part 2

21 Apr

A Transformed Creature

My last few posts have been more on the light and fun side. Today is a more serious topic. In an earlier post, Don’t Let it Change You in Your Soul, I wrote about feeling broken, fragmented. Trying to hold myself together and helping myself heal and recover. To think on better things than the things that have hurt me. Think instead on these things: Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. (Philippians 4:8) I do try to do that. I succeed most of the time. I am also coming to an understanding and a realization about myself too. I think it’s a good thing.

The divorce and the ensuing life changes it forced on me broke me for a little while. I guess it took a while for me to figure it out too. I would not have admitted this a couple of years ago, but for some reason now I know that it’s ok to do it. I am human, just like you….and whether you realize it or not that means we are fragile. We are breakable. We are fallible, and don’t want to admit it. In the earlier post I spoke of having a hard time recovering from some things. Part of it being hard I think was my inability to recognize that something in me had broken and my personality, or my soul, had changed from that break. I am recovering. And that is ok. One alternative would have been to go into a severe depression and be committed. Another alternative would have been to end my life. That is not an acceptable alternative. Both were things at different times during the early part of my separation and divorce that I thought about. I am grateful I never had to be committed. I am even more grateful I did not commit suicide. God sent people to me that helped me get through given moments that I could not get through myself, another thing I am grateful for.

Now I am recognizing I am different. I am changed. When I first noticed it I didn’t really feel like it was a good thing, hence some of the discussion I was having in the first post. I didn’t feel like the change was for the better. I apparently have a fear of change, so it has taken me a few weeks to realize the change isn’t bad. It’s just different. I am being more responsible with my own emotional care. I am different, but I like myself today. I am a kind person, I like to help others. I am not as naive as I used to be. I am also realizing I don’t always have to give all of me away to someone to help them. It isn’t necessary. I have always tended to be an all or nothing kinda girl. Now I am understanding that was not a very wise way for me to handle myself emotionally…. and I see that I can still help others without doing damage to myself.

I think I feel like this is selfish on some plane, so that is one reason I feel so weird about it. I do have compulsion issues. I am not an alcoholic, but definitely have the personality traits for that kind of behavior. The compulsive side of helping would have me so throw myself into helping someone else that I would get lost, not be able to say no. Boundaries help in these areas a lot. So I have learned to say no. Again. I learned this lesson many years ago, but because of the changes I am discussing I have had to relearn an old lesson.

So, what’s new with you? Has life forced any changes on you that you would probably not have chosen yourself? I say in my facebook profile: “I’m glad to be where I am now. If I had been asked, I probably wouldn’t have chosen the paths that led me here, but now that I am arriving, I know there was value in traveling down each one.” This is a very true statement for me. Hope you are seeing the value in your own journey as well. Til we meet again , Angela

2 Comments

Posted in gratitude, Ponderings

Shirley, Goodness and Mercy…

14 Apr

April Fool’s weekend was a very busy and happy weekend. Sorry for the delay in sharing, but the headaches have made it hard for me to do much other than work. We started the weekend off on Friday, which was April 1, and one of my grandson’s 10th birthday. The party was great! We got him a really cute toy, basically a cardboard guitar called Paper Jamz. It was the hit of the party! The other 2 grandsons were wanting to play it bad, but the birthday boy wouldn’t lay it down. However he very generously shared his other presents with them, as long as they didn’t touch the guitar. It was an impulsive gift that paid off big dividends, let me tell you. He can really learn to play guitar with it if he wants to as well. It comes with instructions for that, as well as 2 or 3 demo songs he can strum along to. It also has a pretty decent volume button, so even though it was kinda loud I did get a couple of points with my son and daughter-in-law for NOT buying the amplifier to go with it. It was a very successful party as far as I could tell. We enjoyed it and so did the kids.

We got ready to go home around 9 or so, and I was gonna run to the bathroom before we left, but found it was occupied. Since the occupant was going to need it for a while, , we gave everyone quick hugs and kisses and headed to the gas station for a quick potty break before our 35 minute trip home. We get there and dash in, thinking we will be on the road in just a minute. Then, I met Shirley. Or kinda, well maybe not met her but heard her. Well, wait. Let me explain…..

I met Shirley last night in the bathroom of the gas station. She was talking on her cell phone explaining to whomever was on the other end: she knew she was slightly lost. She had passed Spartanburg, she was maybe in Landrum (yes, she was. She was in a bathroom in Landrum). She kept talking about places in the area, but not really like she knew where they were, I could tell they were just names to her. She wasn’t admitting it, but she was really lost and pretty confused, but she was trying to not worry her friend on the other end of the phone.

I was drying my hands when she came out of her stall. She had the most beautiful white head of curls I have ever seen. Lots and lots of fluffy curls. She was probably around 65 to 70. I’m not sure, but I’m almost 50 and as beautiful as she was, she was a good bit older than me. I stopped her as she was leaving, and told her I wasn’t trying to pry but I couldn’t help overhearing her phone conversation. Was she lost? Could I help? I told her I grew up in the area and knew a good bit about it.

Shirley started telling me her story. She was traveling to Boiling Springs. She had missed her exit, and wasn’t sure where she was. She knew she was past Spartanburg, and she needed to be. But now she wasn’t sure where she was and she needed to get to Boiling Springs. I smiled, and patted her hand. I knew exactly where she was headed and what she had done wrong. I tried to tell her, but she needed me to write it down for her. We stepped out to the gas station, and I got a pen and some paper from the attendant, and started writing the simple directions out for her. She was so happy, she was patting my arm and smiling. When Boyfriend came out, I introduced them and kept writing and explaining directions to her.

I could tell she was coherent, but she must have been tired. She was getting the directions confused. I told her to turn right out of the parking lot and take an immediate right onto the interstate. She kept pointing left. I told her to go 10 miles and take the exit and turn left to go to Boiling Springs. She kept pointing right. I let her read the directions and she would say the right thing, but point the wrong way. I got worried. She wasn’t going to be able to correct this herself. I looked at Boyfriend, then I looked at her. Sweet but tired face. I couldn’t throw her out into the night and not know where she was! I tell her we will lead her to the exit ramp of the interstate, then I will be sure she has her bearings and she can go on from there. Is that alright with her?

Beautiful smile! Oh, she just can’t believe we would do that for her! She is so thankful she stopped to use the bathroom here. I guess it worked out well for us to have to stop too. She and I exchanged phone numbers. She gets in her car, we get in ours and off we go down the interstate, with Shirley, goodness and mercy following close behind. I kept telling Boyfriend to not go too fast, she was having trouble keeping up, and when cars passed her she would swerve a little to the right. We didn’t lose her, and she stayed with us. It was a long 10 mile drive, but soon enough we got to the exit and at the top I got out to see if she was ok.

I told her this was where she would turn left and at the end of the road turn right and she would be in Boiling Springs. She pointed right again, and then I had her repeat it to me. She didn’t want us to go any further with her, she thought she could do it. I go over directions again, while a car passes by and she thanks me profusely and tells me she will call me if she gets confused again. We turn right to go the long way home, she turns left and heads toward Boiling Springs. Boyfriend and I talk about her all the way home. It takes us about 45 minutes to get there. I sit in the car looking at my phone. I haven’t heard form her. Is she ok? Should I call her? Will it confuse her, or cause her to miss a turn or something? I slowly put my phone away, thinking I will wait a while. Right as my phone touches the bottom of my purse, it rings! It’s Shirley! She is with her sister and they are so happy and thankful she ran into me. She calls me her guardian angel, and I tell her I am very glad she is safe with her sister and off the road for the night. She thanks me again for helping her, telling me she is thanking God for me. We say goodbye. I close my phone and we go into the house, happy and smiling at each other.

A psalm of David, number 23

¹ The Lord is my shepherd. He gives me everything I need. ² He lets me lie down in fields of green grass. He leads me beside quiet waters. ³ He gives me new strength. He guides me in the right paths for the honor of his name. ⁴ Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid. You are with me. Your shepherd’s rod and staff comfort me. ⁵ You prepare a feast for me right in front of my enemies. You pour oil on my head. My cup runs over. ⁶ Surely (Shirley) goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life. And I will live in the house of the Lord forever…. my ‘translation’ of Shirley of course, but I think it fits very nicely with our adventure.

I had to go to the bathroom at the gas station. I am very glad indeed! I’m glad I was there to help. Hope you are having a wonderful day! Remembering this has brightened mine. Thanks for reading! Angela

8 Comments

Posted in Adventures, Family, Ponderings

Migraines & Taxes

12 Apr

Started out stormy....

Migraines or taxes, which one do you think are worse? Neither one are fun to deal with, and I unfortunately have had to deal with both this last week. I am behind on everything I planned to do by now. Oh well.

I had a bad experience with my taxes last year, and it has caused me to delay my completion of them this year. Mostly I spent this past weekend putting the rest of everything together, then onto a website to complete the forms. I was a tax preparer for a few years, then moved on to other occupations. So I feel a little rusty working on them. I am also partly self employed, so I have a decent chunk of income I have to show expenses against. I do have a good bit of expenses to use, it just takes time to add everything up and find the right hole to plug the number in. I had worked on my ‘stuff’ gathering and had most of it done, but it still took 4 hours to finish and add everything up, with Boyfriend helping too I might add. I have a very nice and very patient Boyfriend, in case I haven’t mentioned that lately. I was a grumpy gus working on everything. He let me grumble and gus and kept right on helping me. That was Saturday.

Sunday was spent finding the website and plugging in the numbers we found on Saturday. Another 4 hours later adding numbers and checking and rechecking entries and according to the website I finally had no mistakes and I am ready to file. By this time my head was beginning to seriously hurt. I told Boyfriend I would send them off the next day, and closed the books for the evening. I have had some headaches off and on since last Tuesday.

Monday came and headache was still there. It was a long day. I had a couple of elderly customers come in for me to explain their insurance to them. I usually really enjoy this part of my job. They were a very nice elderly couple, only problem is the husband has dementia. He knows he does, and he knows he will probably forget everything I have told him by the time they get back out to their car. His wife and I had already spoken and gone over everything before they came in, she just needed my help for him too. I took my time and spent close to 2 hours going over their questions, several times. I was pretty worn out by the time they thought they had everything they needed. By then my head was seriously aching. When I have to talk a lot it makes the headaches worse. Le sigh. It was going to be a long day.

...but nice results in the end.

I also had an interesting event I was going to that night. A friend of mine started selling a product that helps you lose a few inches off of your waist overnight. It’s kind of a natural detox, she went through the whole explanation and procedure with several of us that had gathered for her product test run. I really did loose 3 inches in the middle of my waist, and 1 1/2 inches each off of my lower and upper belly too. You can contact her through her new website, heckyeahitworks if you are curious. If the site isn’t completely working yet, try back in a few days. It was interesting to see the results. I will let you know how long they last for me.

Anyway, after the ‘wrap party,’ as it was called , my head was SCREAMING at me….even thought about going to the hospital on my way home. But when I got in I drank a protein shake and took a quick bath and went to bed. The headache finally disappeared somewhere between 10 PM and 12:30 AM when I had to get up to go to the bathroom. Today has been better, but I am very sore from the headache, and a little scattered, which is a normal response to the headaches for me. I went almost 2 years with no migraines, and I was thrilled with that. Unfortunately I am having them a lot the last few months. My stress management has not been working I guess. February/March I had a 3 week migraine, and headaches off and on for most of the last week ending with this doozy of one last night. I am looking forward to my vacation in May. I really think I need it.

Hope you are doing better than this. I am doing better now thankfully. I do have a wonderful story about a lady named Shirley and that birthday party we went that I will share with you soon. April Fool’s weekend was a great weekend! Will catch you up next time, talk to you then, Angela

2 Comments

Posted in Ponderings

Don’t Let it Change You in Your Soul…

22 Mar

Don’t let it turn you, the thing that changed your soul. It has the capacity to render you incapacitated. Heard this in a TV show. That sentence seems funny to me… capacity… incapacitated…. both in the same sentence meaning something totally different. Words that are similar but different. Don’t know why I laughed, but I did. My grandmother’s last name was laughter, but someone changed the way it was pronounced so it became Law-ter. Seems strange to me, but that’s what happened. I wonder if when whomever decided to change it had suffered a changing of their soul.

I feel fragmented. I feel like I’m in pieces instead of whole. I am drowning in my life and I’m not sure I can keep kicking to swim. Do I want to keep kicking? I think so. I don’t want to not be here. I just feel so very very tired a lot of the time. It’s not a fun feeling. Have you ever had a thing happen to you that broke part of you? Something that hurt you so bad you couldn’t really recover from it? I have recovered from several soul wrenching things. But this time I feel weird, like it’s broke and I can’t fix it. I am disillusioned by church, by some friends, by ex husbands, by former bosses. But I don’t have to focus on these things, right? I can focus on better things if I will just remember to. Like the customer yesterday whom I’ve been working with for almost 2 years. He started out a belligerent man, a belligerent customer, upset with the changes in business that brought me to his office to be his agent. I worked on his policies to help if I could. I found things we could change that did help him, and I was able to help him again this year. His wife called me. She wanted to thank me for working so hard to help them. She really wanted me to know how much she appreciated me working to help them. It was a great call. Mostly I get the “why do I have to pay for insurance” kinda calls. So this one was really nice. I need to think on these things to encourage myself.

I read something earlier that I really, really liked:

Fly with those who see the power of your wings…..
4th January 2011 by melody under Everyday Brave

Fly with those who see the best in you.

Fly with those who inspire you to be better.

Fly with those who are going the direction that you want to go.

Fly with those who believe in riding the wind.

Fly with those who see the power of your wings………

It’s from brave girls club on line. Fly with those who see the power of your wings……Do I need to see it too to fly, or can I fly even in doubt? I’m not sure but I don’t think so. It sounds or reads so sappy or sad now that I am writing all this out….but that’s the way it is. My cheerleader capacity seems to be eluding me at the moment. I will ponder those things that are good in my life right now, including the good customers, instead of being stuck in a playback loop of all the junk I deal with. I can do this. And I want to.

I also want to sew my daughter’s apron this weekend, or at least get started on it. I have cut it all out, and even have the bias tape made. My next post will be all about that:). So I should be able to start sewing. We’ll see. It will be great. She is a ’50′s kinda gal and the apron is modeled after a vintage style with black and white fabrics she picked out, and they look great together. I would have gone for way more color, but the patterns are nice and it really looks fantastic all laid out. I will also be blogging about the process of sewing the apron together. At least that is my intention.

Valentine Cookie

I also want to write and share my favorite cookie recipes from Christmas. I made a kick ass giant heart cookie for Boyfriend for Valentine’s day too. He ate every bit of it. It was over half a batch of dough. I’m glad he liked it.

I hope I stop being so easily discouraged. I struggle occasionally with depression, and the situations in my workplace are feeding the discouraged side more than the encouraged part gets fed. I am there 8 hours and 45 minutes five days a week. How do people keep going to a job they despise? How do we keep working in situations we hate? I’m not really sure at this point. I am not happy in my present situation. I keep hoping I will have the next great idea that will make me wealthy enough to not need to work there. Until then, I need to be able to pay my bills. So there I am. Another day, another dollar as my grandfather use to say. Le sigh.

I feel like I’ve changed, but not for the better. At least not yet. I want to have my hope renewed, my faith strengthened, my joy increased. I will keep working towards these ends. If you have any encouraging words for me, please feel free to share them. I would love to hear from you.

In the meantime, g’nite all. Pleasant dreams……. Angela

Acknowledgements: http://bravegirlsclub.com/

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Posted in Ponderings, sewing

Almost Spring….

18 Mar

Flowers from a friend

Spring is officially a few days away.Today is a beautiful spring like day. The trees have all started budding leaves and flowers. The flowers themselves are starting to bloom. Nice weather. Had a lot of rain, but that will help things grow. Maybe I will take a walk around the neighborhood later.

I went to see Allison Lively this week. She does Iridology & Nutritional Counseling at Creative Health. I have been seeing her for a few years. Her advice always helps me stay on track. She wants me to keep drinking green drinks and change my diet so I stop stressing my liver and kidneys. I really went cra-a-a-zy with food after my gall bladder surgery last year and I have gained over 40 extra pounds to prove it. I have noticed new problems with fatigue and the migraines are back, so I knew it was time to talk to her again. As we were talking, I had a realization.

I grew up in a poor family. Lots of people did. I have never really had to work on portion control because I only had so much food I could eat. The reason being we didn’t have enough money to buy much food. I ate what I could when I could. My realization was that I have always felt deprived of food, and never trusted it to be around for long. Money is kind of the same way. This continued into my marriage, we always struggled with money. I was truly a coupon queen for years. It really helped me feed my family, and I still like using them. However, I still have the belief that food is not going to be around long, so I must eat, eat, eat while I can. Now, with Boyfriend in my life, eating is as simple as saying, “I’m hungry! Let’s go eat!” Out the door we go and food is soon in front of me (us). Easy peasy. I will never starve dating him. He’s great like that. So, my food situation has changed, it is very available to me now. However, my attitude with it has not, so I am still eating what I can when I can, I just have so many ‘can’ opportunities now there really isn’t a deprivation problem.

I need to stop feeling this way about food. I need to stop shoving big piles of food down my throat like I’m not going to have anything to eat tomorrow. I have to stop feeding the part of me that thinks I will starve and start feeding the part of me that feels secure and happy. I don’t know why this is such a hard thing for me to do sometimes. Hmmmmmm…. I spoke about changes a few posts back, guess this is another I need to add to my to do list.

I want to do more with my life than just feed myself. But I haven’t done much else with it lately either. I am becoming a selfish person because I have felt deprived. I keep pushing myself into little tight spaces to feel like I’m in control but I’m not. The spaces I keep shoving myself into cannot contain me either. My desires and hopes and dreams are bigger than the space I am giving myself to live and work in. Other people sometimes put me in boxes for themselves and I was letting them. I thought it was just them doing this to me, but now I realize I have been letting them do this to me all this time, and now I have started doing it to myself. Lots of my job situations are like this, my marriage was like this as well. Wonder what I can do with this revelation? Looks like another hmmmmmmmm………, at least for now.

Well, more changes I need to make. Things to ponder and figure out. Spring seems to be a pretty good time for change….Will let you know if I have any further revelations. Thanks! Angela

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Posted in Food!, overcoming, Ponderings

Ch-ch-ch-changes….

02 Mar

Part of the lyrics to Changes by David Bowie

Ribbit!

I still don’t know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I’d got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I’ve never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I’m much too fast to take that test

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don’t want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can’t trace time….

I wish I could get up earlier in the mornings to do this. I would like to have it done before I come to work, but I suck at getting up early. I could get lots of things done, like reading or maybe a little sewing, maybe folding the laundry….. But so far I suck at getting up early. Le sigh…..

I have ordered material for a new quilt. I am hoping it will come in a week or so. I have to get out my quilting book and look at the patterns. I need to design the flow of the blocks to decide how many of each I am going to need to make for this quilt. I hope it goes well. I am looking forward to designing it. I also need to cut out my daughter’s apron and make it, but I haven’t gotten around to that yet. She reminds me occasionally that I have forgotten her apron. lol. I had decided to make a couple of quilts and list them on ebay or etsy, and the next day a friend called and asked if I would be interested in making a quilt for them, so….. I am now making a quilt for them . I am very happy about that!

I also want to start my alterations business again. I will have to figure out how to let it be known at this point. . I repaired/fixed several things about 10 days ago, and really enjoyed being able to put the things back out to be used. I use to have a terrible case of nervousness when I would think about sewing for someone else, but so far I am not having that problem anymore. So hopefully this means that’s better. Mo betta. We shall see, won’t we?

I am still doing the 750 words thing, most of the time. I don’t do it everyday, but hopefully will get more consistent with it and from that be more consistent with blogging as well. That is something I am still working on, consistency. When I think about all the things that fell apart for me a few years ago, and stop giving myself a hard time for not being perfect, ….I realize how far I’ve come. I am a homeowner, I don’t have to rent anymore. I own my own car, be it an older model Mustang, a hatchback from the 90′s. But it’s mine. Free and clear and with only occasional repair bills. I have a full time job. Now granted I may not enjoy that job too much at times, but it’s still my full time job and I have money to pay most of my bills. I have wonderful friends that have not turned tail on me and taken off. I am stable. I am menopausal, but I am stable. So I really have come a long way already.

A while back a business leader was speaking to my networking group and he encouraged us to come up with a vision, a mission statement and a business plan for our respective businesses. I found it was easier for me to come up with these things for my alterations business than it was for my insurance life. Even then I was being drawn to the sewing part of my life, but my nervousness and confidence issues kept me from really launching into it. I hope I have recovered enough to be able to do it this time. I need to sit down with myself and work on those things again for my alterations. I am glad I am doing this.

I have changed a lot in the last few years. Not just overcoming the lack of confidence and the nervousness. I have also changed in that I don’t always have the patience I once had with people. I won’t say this is a bad thing though. My tolerance levels used to be so excessive that I would let every one run over me, any time and just about any way. That really isn’t true any more. One of the consequences of this is that some of the people I use to really love to be with are not really my friends any more. But I am also seeing some of them with better eyes and realizing that I might have been their friend, but when it was their turn to show me love, or patience or tolerance, they didn’t want to return the favor. I still miss them though. And I haven’t disowned them either. We have all changed, and maybe we aren’t the people we use to be. But I will always love them. Hopefully, they won’t loose that love for me they once had either.

Well, that’s seem a rather sad note to end on, but I think I’m through for the day. Hope you are having a great one, let me know how you are doing! Angela

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Posted in Friendship, Ponderings, sewing

Word Dump….

25 Feb

word dump word dump word dump That’s what this is suppose to be. Just my brain unloading on paper, er computer screen. I was anxious yesterday when I wrote according to the statistics. Today I may be toady or froggy or tired or just ready for the weekend. Nobody is suppose to read this but me but here is Boyfriend spying on me. We are lying on a bed in a bed and breakfast room in a small town waiting to hear from his sister. Or not. We will go eat somewhere eventually any way. We are here for his nephew’s first BD. He’s almost a big boy now. If we don’t get to see them tonight, we will tomorrow. It will all work out.

The sun is going down and the room is getting dark. It’s a nice room. Just very very small. And the private bath is in the hallway, not connected as Boyfriend thought, so feels a little weird. I may want to sleep in my shirt and not my pj pants tonight, but if I need to get up to pee in the middle of the night will I remember to put on my pants or wander around in my undies? Will it really matter? Will any one notice? No one else is suppose to be here. Either way it just feels weird. I’m sure it will be alright.

I am so stinkin’ hormonal right now. I can cry at anything. The room made me want to cry for a few minutes. And it doesn’t help that I’ve had headaches for most of the last 3 weeks. That’s 21 days. That’s a long time to have a headache. Thankfully my head isn’t hurting right now and I don’t wanna cry anymore, so it’s all betta now.

I hope we aren’t on the east side of the bed and breakfast. If we are, I will have the sun in my face. In the morning. At 6:00 to 6:30. When does the sun come up now any way? I will have to look that up. Oh well. I may use this as a blog post. This dump is slightly entertaining me. . Are you still reading what I’m writing honey? lol. Are you pondering what I’m pondering Brain? Yes. Yes you are. I just heard you snicker. He said he’s milky way. Snicker….milky way…. and it took 3 times for him to say it for me to get it. The candy bars? Ya know? Yeah, this is so-o-o gonna be a blog post in a few minutes…..now he says he wouldn’t skittle about. He is twix and tween a decision on dinner. M&M’s. Hmmmmm. Mustard and melons? Mexican and Mojitos? Marmalade and Mahi? Mahi Mahi? I dunno….

Ok, so, why am I writing a word dump and turning it into a blog post? You see, there is this web site called 750 words. You can use it to help get your creative juices flowing. 750 words are suppose to equal 3 hand written pages….etc, etc. Go to the site and read his description yourself and use if you would like. It’s free and I like the concept. There are also several cool statistical tools that were interesting. You can choose to let others see them or not. But you can see them, and will probably be surprised by some of them. I was. It is challenging to some degree to just write 750 words at once too, but once I get going it’s not too bad. I won’t be using them all for blog posts but this one will work.

Hippie Lights

I am wanting to get back into my sewing. I have kinda let that slip some in the last couple of months. But we rearranged my room and I have a much better area for sewing now than before. I’m sorry I forgot to take pictures, but I will try to do that next time I have a cleaning/moving/rearranging bug again. I can show you my hippie lights though. We hung up my star light I got last year for my anniversary with the other ones, and I really like how it all turned out. An extra bonus: it gives me lots of light to sew on dark and cloudy days or in the evening after work. I also fixed several things of my daughter, granddaughter, and myself once we got the table set up. So I think this will work. I am hoping to get back into alterations, and eventually have my own business doing it. I will keep you posted, my 4 whole readers, with what the plans are. I don’t really know how many people read this, but I still like writing, so, I may not blog everyday yet …. but maybe I’ll be able to word dump and get my blogging juices flowing more. We’ll see.

So, what are you gonna do for dinner? We don’t know yet. We had Japanese Thai with sushi for lunch in what looked like a hole in a wall in Newberry, but it was excellent food. Sushi was yummy too. So, I guess we’ll wander out into town in a little bit to find something for ourselves. Hope you have a good one. Want to tell me about it? That would be great! Talk to ya later, Angela

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Posted in Ponderings, sewing